It has been quite a while since I blogged narrating experiences on personal front and now has emerged the trigger from nowhere. Life has crossed quite a few changes of late, with me observing it rising and falling on its own crests and troughs. All is well, nevertheless. Days of relentless restlessness then followed by joy. Ray of hope evidently beaming at the end of the dark tunnel. While I write this, I remember one of the many verses that caught me as I read the hope rendering Sundara Kanda. The verse read something like this - "One who tolerates difficulties during the toughest of times will finally find happiness as he comes through it". Completely true. Such happiness arrived at after going through a number of challenges also tells you how determined you are. God had tested me on the same, I believe. When things didn't turn out as it was expected, following my heart to eventually come out of it all did really turn out for good. It also reminded me of how well-determined I am in what I thought I wanted. Not always do I know what I really seek for. At times, nonetheless, the intution knows. Or the instinct. May be the heart. Whatever. God has been kind to me recently. Or it is just that my stars are aligned now.
And then the feel of caring and being cared for. A soul-filling sense of being wanted. Of being unconditionally loved. Of trying to love unconditionally. That which makes you full yet empty. Besides that, the smile and love of a kid. A learning from a baby on how to live in the moment. A learning on caring for others. A difference really made deep inside knowing how life turns beautiful when affection and care are showered on you regardless of whether you deserve it or not. Especially to be concerned for loved ones expecting nothing in return. The joy of giving without looking for a reward. Often there is also a fear of losing loved ones arising along when love is abounding. I consciously remind myself at those moments that there is love all around and that I am never left alone. Followed by a whole lot of thoughts that couldn't be just captured.
"Everything is as it is meant to be". May be I would get it if at all I wished for something. Or it is just that what I deserve would be granted to me and there is no point questioning. Probably I would force myself to accept things as they turn out. Or I would give it a fight. Or I would remain confused leaving it to time as in most cases. Destiny might drive me, rather. In any case, what would happen next is a mystery. With faith, a pinch of determination and a little courage do I follow my heart. There have been quite a little successes and a lot more of failures. There is still a dream. There is still a wish. There is still a future. There is still a hope. :)
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